Random As Rhyme

This is not what I planned on writing today, but what the hell.

I walk from Union station to King and Spadina and back everyday and everyday I see the same bums/homeless/street person/whatever the politically correct term is for people who want my change. 98% of the time they get nothing from me and that will probably continue but here are some tips if you do want money from me and live on the streets.

Don’t Be Fat
One dude I see sits on a milk crate in front of East Side Marios on Front St and he is pretty fat, I on the other hand am pretty skinny. I eat a lot and I don’t get fat, in theory this guy can barley afford to eat and yet his gut is often hanging out of his clothes. I suspect this dude goes in for the all you can eat salad and bread with his pasta at east side every day after he’s done making a killing off people on the street.

Don’t Disappear on rainy days
Rainy days all the beggars disappear. I can’t call in rain to my job, how come you get too? Sit under an over hang or buy an umbrella I am pretty sure they can be had for a dollar.

Don’t have one of those ‘why lie I need beer’ signs
I saw that shit for the first time on the Internet. Where did you see it the hobonet? Either way I am not giving you money to get drunk, and it was only funny the first time I saw it. This brings me to my next one.

Kick your habbit
I catch you slipping up and see you sneaking a swig of Crown Royal or puffin a cancer stick while asking for my money you are not getting shit. Dick.

Don’t let me catch you hiding your money
I see this a lot, they empty their cup so they look more desperate, ok, fine. You could at least show some discretion don’t just do it in front of me and give me a look like “what fill it back up bitch”.

Don’t wait outside a bank
You think I am going to give you a $20? Better go down the street with that bulllllshit.

Don’t have a pet
Cant stress this one enough. Your animal does not deserve life on the street, I will accept no excuses for this.

Every time I see a street person with a pet I assume one of two things; you stole it from home when you took off, or you stole it from someone else, either way sucker move.

Toronto is not Mexico, stray dogs are not abundant, if you have a pet and come up on hard times don’t be selfish let the pet have a better life and give it up for adoption.

Don’t hold the door for me
I got it thanks.

Do do something cool
Get a talent and put it to use. Art, juggling, flaming yo-yos, do something that amuses me and I will actually give you money (ie work for it). Actually the first bum street person that can legitimately make the transformers noise I will give 10 bucks.

Public Service Announcement: I am not a dick I just play one on the internet.

Seriously though, if I offended you because someone you know is on hard times and on the street I am sorry, go help them get off it. I donate to the united way and the salvation army so my karma is good enough to write things like this.

I hope… or my car will get broken into again. Time will tell.

Tags: Bums, Front, Hobos, Homeless, I am cheap, King, Spadina