Random As Rhyme

It’s been awhile since I have written one of these since I decided to do a few reviews what not on Thursdays. So as a treat I decided to bring it back Things I always wanted “T” days with what is probably the stupidest thing I ever wanted. The most embarrassing thing was I wanted it at an age where I should have figured out that it was ridiculous.

In 1997-1998 there was a Canadian Comedy series filmed in Burnaby British Columbia that ran on YTV. The show had a bunch of nobodies in it for the most part, aside from this guy.

It was your typical ridiculous teenage drama tv show that dealt with the “issues” in an unorthodox fashion. Now that I think of it the show was basically a bootleg Saved By The Bell on water. You see my friends this show was:

Breaker High.

Admitting to watching such a stupid show at the age of 12-13 is one thing (hey there were attractive girls on it so you can’t fault my logic) but thinking that it might be possible, and actually wanting to, go to high school on a boat is admittedly very stupid.

There was a certain amount of low budget TV magic that made it seem as though this idea were feasible. The idea was instead of your standard booze cruise vacation the open bar was replaced with classrooms where your basic highschool courses were taught to a handful of lucky (and probably rich) teenagers.

I can’t seem to remember any tests happening on the show so that would be a big bonus over traditional high schools and the girls were often bikinis or skimpy clothes (never really rained) so that was another bonus. Finally you were away from your parents so really no one could tell you to clean your room.

It all seemed glamorous then, since my pre-teen mind never really thought considered the fact that the never seemed to show any sort of lessons in boat safety on the show, or addres the fact that the food was probably not so good and the living quarters cramped and damp.

Also since such a small amount of privileged kids could go on the boat if you hated someone you were stuck with them in your class for however long it took you to return home. If you were one of those awkward kids with no friends in high school this would be torture.

They also never touched on the fact that the class size, and boat size, was actually pretty small or the fact that the ships crew consisted of a Captain and some whistle blowing, possibly gay, assistant. If that boat were ever to hit an iceberg everyone would have been doomed. Which should have worried me since rocks and I share the same amount of buoyancy. Let’s also not forget the very real life threat of pirates!

I also never factored in that in high school I was late for basically everything. I would have missed getting back on the boat first stop over. Getting stranded in Panama is probably only cool for the first five minutes, until you get robbed, shot, and thrown in jail a la prison break.

Yes going to high school on a boat with other students was an incredibly flawed, impractical idea but that didn’t stop it from being something I always wanted.

I admire people who can speak more than one language. I can’t. My grade 9 french  teacher passed me with a 52% under the agreement I would never take french again. I went to  Montreal not to long ago and was seriously useless. I spoke even less than I do normally.

However it got me thinking. I have very little recollection of learning the English language but I have no doubt in my mind it was super frustrating. The English language is stupid.

From what I remember learning to spell was done phonetically, sounding things out. Sounding out phonetically should be Fo-en-net-ically in that case.

But that’s not because whoever wrote the rules to the English language (Merriam Webster?) decided it would be nice to mess around with people heads. Here are some weird rules that word bully came boggle my mind

- F = PH: seriously why? F takes less effort to  write or type for the same sound
- Two letters  back  to  back: same reason as above,  two letters same sound why? When I say let and letters I don’t pronounce or enunciate the second t, lest I sound like Ross Gellar
- Silent letters: Again, why? Why do these exist? So everyone can laugh at slow Timmy when he says K-nife? That’s just mean. And if we are going to have silent letters why can they just pop up anywhere, take the word dumb if the b is silent why isn’t it at the beginning like knife? bdum… oh right cause THAT wouldn’t make sense
Boxing Ring, Hamburger, Parkway, Driveway: Boxing rings are curiously square, Hamburgers contain no ham, you drive on a parkway, and park on a drive way (never mind wtf a lane way is)
-Too To and Two There Their And They’re: Another way to mess with poor slow Jimmy.

Crazy I tell you. Crazy.

Anyone who speaks another language can you please let me know if any other languages have similar nonsensical rules? If so I am going to learn to speak tongues.

Oh wait I can’t because I have Ankyloglossia